


God knows, I am dissonance

by assassinated



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Bathtubs, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, an ot3 fic but the angst is fourth wheeling hard, i guess, inspired my 24/7 mood, just a lot of crying tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-08 18:40:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11087616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/assassinated/pseuds/assassinated
Summary: Sometimes it all gets a bit too much.





	God knows, I am dissonance

**Author's Note:**

> I'm truly sorry.
> 
>  
> 
> thanks @captain-narraboth (tumblr) for giving me this idea while we were headcanoning.  
> also a big thank you to @lenvluthor (tumblr) for proof reading this mess..
> 
> title from the song Mercury by Sleeping at Last.

Kara steps into the apartment rather hastily. It’s been a long they and Snapper just couldn’t help letting it all out on her. She had to get out of work two times because of some robberies down the street and her hair still faintly smells of gunpowder. She’ll probably have to cancel the date with Helena and Lena, too. Not that they don’t live together already, but a romantic dinner really helps them stay grounded and on top of whatever is happening in their lives, Kara doesn’t want to miss that. She knows Lena had some major breakthrough with one of her science projects earlier that week and that Helena was on the mission of dismantling a branch of Italian mafia that has started to grow in the shadows of National City since the early morning. But Snapper had other plans, so Kara is already thinking about the article she needs to hand in tomorrow by 8am.

  
Her coat is discarded over the living room sofa and she is lazily stepping out of her work clothes, every movement pronounced in frustration. When she’s finally in her pajamas, she lets her body fall onto the bed that somehow still smells of last night and she lets her skin soak up all the sun that’s coming in through the window.

  
Her senses, previously muffled by built up frustration, slowly start coming back to her as her body starts to relax. It’s only then that she registers loud thumping in her ears. It’s too familiar and she recognizes it within a millisecond and her eyes shoot open. _Helena_. Her heartbeat to be exact. She knows that sound too well. How was she able to miss it, she wonders. And most importantly, why didn’t her girlfriend tell her she was back. Before she can even contemplate on it all, she’s headed for the big bathroom on the other side of the penthouse. The soft sound of water drowning the heartbeats a little, telling her where Helena is exactly.

  
She is in front of the door in seconds, but she stops. She doesn’t want to intrude on her girlfriend. She knows Helena likes her privacy from time to time and she probably would’ve called out to Kara had she wanted for her to come in there. But the heavy feeling in Kara’s chest tells her something is off and panic sets in her stomach. Maybe it’s the sound of the heart that is usually calming to hear, but that’s now racing and starting to sound more like humming to Kara, maybe it’s the strange eerie atmosphere that she’s noticed only a few seconds ago. On any other day she might have knocked but all she can muster in her worry now is Helena’s name laced with concern before her hand is pushing down on the cold brass handle. Her eyes fall onto the figure hunched over itself in the bathtub by the window. Her senses are overwhelmed with the other woman’s smell, the shampoo that only she uses, the faint smell of sweat, probably from the discarded clothes she has to step over. _Blood_.

  
_Don’t panic_ , she thinks, it wouldn’t be the first time for her to bleed after a mission. Except Kara doesn’t know how to patch up a bleeing wound and Lena is not here. She wants to go back and call her, tell her to come over as soon as possible. But she doesn’t, she can’t leave the bathroom now.

  
She calls out Helena’s name again before making her way to the tub. The head that’s been resting on the knees suddenly shoots up and glossy eyes meet Kara’s, full not of panic, as Kara expected for some reason, but filled with saddness. And as the brunette lets her head fall back down again, Kara’s ears pick up words whispered over the silence.  
“I’m fine.” is all Helena says. And Kara wants to believe her, wants with all her being to make sure that that’s all Helena ever is. But the brokenness with which it leaves Helena’s mouth already has Kara on her knees beside the tub. Kara’s eyes are raking over what’s visible of the smaller woman’s body, noting only a gash above the left eyebrow, the rest of her inconveniently under the soapy water. Her brain is fighting on whether she should pull Helena out of it or use her x-ray vision. She decides she won’t do either and settles on simply asking, not wanting to disturb her too much, hoping Helena will calm the storm that’s happening inside her head.

  
“Hel, are you hurt?” Kara asks and it leaves her almost breathless. Please say no, she thinks. There is silence after the question and it scares Kara.

  
“Should I call Lena?” Kara adds after a couple of seconds. And that seems to get Helena’s attention. Kara knows Helena doesn’t like calling Lena out of work when something on her mission goes wrong.

  
“Everything is fine, it’s just been a long day.” Helena turns her head to look at Kara and attempts a smile. _Massive understatement_ , is all that comes to Kara’s mind, but the worry in her stomach gets subdued a little bit. Her hand reaches to remove the wet strand of hair out of Helena’s face, away from the gash that still smells like fresh blood.

  
“I see getting your forehead cut open counts as being fine.” Kara tells her with a smile that almost, but just almost reaches her eyes. She gets a hum in response and now she’s at least sure Helena is not in any immediate danger. But that doesn’t make the scene in front of her any less painful to look at. She knows nothing is fine, but she also knows she just needs to be there for Helena right now. She uses the back of her palm to gently stroke her girlfriends cheek and she’s not sure if it’s wet from tears or from the water that Kara is pretty sure has run cold.

  
“Do you wanna get out of there and talk about it?” she asks, carefully, bringing her head close to Helena’s shoulder and placing a soft kiss there, feeling the body it belongs to shudder. And Helena is nodding. Almost too frantic, the thought of talking about whatever happened probably scaring her. She’s never been the one to share too much of her personal struggles. Kara has learned it was just how she was, and if it takes time, she will give her all of it, as long as she lets her help so they could figure this out together.

  
So Kara moves to stand to her feet, turning and walking towards the rack holding the towels and in less than a couple of seconds she is by Helena’s side again, arms out in front of her, holding the towel ready to wrap around the wet body of the brunette.

  
“Let’s get you warm, darling.” she says and she tries to muster all the warmth she can into it. She is not used to this Helena, who is usually playing strong, who would rather die that surrender in a fight. This Helena is probably just as new to both of them. And she can see the internal struggle in those watery eyes, tears ready to slip down the cheeks. It takes her a few moments but she is finally raising herself, legs unsteady and shaky because of the arms that were wrapped around them for too long. Kara catches a glimpse of all the scars and bruises scattered over the body moving towards her. She hates that they’re there, but she knows they play a big part of who Helena is. The selfless, wonderful woman who is sometimes too headstrong to believe that she can be loved, that Kara and Lena do love her, and that they wouldn’t leave her no matter what.

  
When Helena’s fragile form is only inches apart from Kara, Kara wraps the soft towel around her, simultaneously enveloping her into an embrace. Her arms tighten around the smaller woman’s shoulders and she can feel Helena’s breath hitch against the crook of her neck. All of a sudden the body in her arms start shaking with what is probably tears and Kara lets her. They stand like that for who knows how long and when Kara feels the sobbing die down she removes herself from the hug, backing away just enough to look Helena into the eyes and wipe at her cheeks with her thumbs.

  
“It’s okay to cry, I’m glad you let it out.” Kara whispers reassuringly as she plants a kiss to the other woman’s forehead. She then leads her back to the master bedroom, slow and with her arm still holding her up a bit. She sits her down and kneels in front of her so their eyes are at the same level.

  
“Now, talk to me.” She says, sounding almost too demanding. But Helena doesn’t notice. Kara rests her hands on Helena’s knees and the brunette visibly sighs.

  
“You know,” Helena starts. “Past just likes to catch up with you when you least expect it.” She says, a laugh full of everything but happiness coming from her. It sounds almost haunting. And then the words just spill out, Kara squeezing her hand every once in a while.

  
Kara is thankful for her superhearing because Helena is alternating between whispering and speaking clearly, her voice full of hurt, anger, and exasperation.

  
“I don’t think I can do it, it reminds me too much of home.” She says after telling Kara about encountering the gang face to face. _There it is_ , Kara thinks. Helena almost never talks about her life in Sicily, about her childhood, and Lena and she never really pressed on the issue, knowing she will talk whenever she is ready.

  
“They know everything about me, Kara, it’s like my life is a common knowledge to them.” She says and Kara moves to sit beside her, draping an arm over her slumped shoulders and gently bringing her into her side as Helena continued to talk about what happened.

  
“And I just stood there frozen as his hand connected to my face, I stood there and it reminded me too much of my father, I couldn’t breathe.” She whispers, her body shaking a bit, barely noticeable even to Kara. Helena’s hand is ghosting over the cut above her eyebrow, as if making sure it is still there and she was not imagining the whole thing.

  
“You don’t have to do it, Hel, you shouldn’t put yourself through that, we can alert the DEO, or someone else, and they will take over, I will go in there and do it.” Kara finally speaks, trying to reassure Helena that she is allowed to take a step back and to think about herself for once.

  
“I know, but I can’t do that, they will hurt more people, they could hurt you, I am the only one who knows how they work to be able to take them down.” She says with determination. It hurts Kara to see her like this.

  
“You can work as an inside man, Helena, you don’t have to go out and fight them, you deserve that much at least. Don’t worry about me.” Kara tells her against her hair, placing a kiss on her temple, letting her know it would be more than okay to do so. She can feel the internal struggle in Helena and her arm squeezes her shoulders and Helena leans into her more. She can almost hear the thoughts fighting in Helena’s head before the brunette sighs.

  
“I guess you’re right, but-“ and Kara stops her. This was supposed to be a quick and easy mission, at least that’s what Helena told her.

  
“No buts, Hel, just think about it and we can talk again in the morning and I can get Alex and everyone else in on the plan, ok?” she offers, and she moves to stand in front of Helena, lifting her chin up and bending down to kiss her lips. She gets a nod and a weak smile in return and that’s all Kara needs right now.

  
“Let’s get you to bed then, you need rest.” She says and moves to find some pajamas for her girlfriend. While Helena changes, Kara slides under the covers and waits for her to join. She types out a text to Lena, letting her know that the dinner has been cancelled and that they will have a quiet night in. As Helena settles beside her, Kara turns and puts an arm around her waist and pulls her in closer. She doesn’t care that it’s 6pm, or that she has an article to write, because as soon as Helena’s breathing evens she falls asleep too, knowing this isn’t over, but glad they have made some progress. A couple of hours later she feels the warmth of another body join them in the bed, a pair of arms wrapping around both her and Helena and she drifts off to sleep again. 


End file.
